He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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