Someone shit on the floor
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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