spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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