It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
