all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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