Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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