She said her name was "party"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
