you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
