I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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