Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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