If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize