If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
