At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
