so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
