Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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