he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
