somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
