we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
