at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This toilet bowl is my home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
