As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
