just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
