Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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