I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
