I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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