Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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