your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
