Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
