his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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