I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize