Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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