i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my shit smells like andre
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
