this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We need to rekindle our bromance
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
