i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
