this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
