guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
