What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
