Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
