Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
