and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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