i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
