3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
