I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
