We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
