Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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