I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
