Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i've created a new STD.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
