as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
