I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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