i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
