I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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