new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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