don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
