either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
