Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
