u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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