we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
