Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
