I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
