That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
