i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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