Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
