There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize