ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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