I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize