the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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