dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I smell like Dick and happiness
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
