can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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